Fizzling out?

I want to start out by saying (or reminding myself) I don't want to be one of those blogs that constantly whines about how hard and frustrating my life is. I want to stay up beat and positive. I want to inspire others when they are going through their own struggles. With that being said, I also want to be honest about what I go through, because I know others go through the same things. Maybe at different times, maybe in different ways, but at least others will know they are not alone. I am also made aware that I am not alone, by the comments I get either through Facebook, or by people just telling me when I see them. So I apologize if I sound whinny today (or any other time for that matter).

This week I have felt like I am fizzling out. I was doing so great with staying on track, working out, and keeping my head up. It has been a long time since I have wanted to just give up. This week was one of those weeks. When I was house sitting last week, I weighed myself on Sunday morning (after the 5K run) to see how much weight I had lost. On Sunday morning I was down to 205. Now granted I was using someone else's scale, but most of the circumstances were the same (same time of morning, same outfit). I was so stoked! That night I went and ran Tubbs with Pam, and posted my blog. I continued to work hard, but as the week worn on my body got tired. I had burst of energy but it wasn't lasting all day like it was before. So on Wednesday morning (a day early) I weighed myself at home. My scale said 211! I was PISSED!!!!! I hadn't been eating anything different, I was still working out. In fact I worked out Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday! My mom told me it was water weight, but I didn't believe that because my rings and clothes fit fine. I was bloated or anything. It threw me off. So that day, I ate normal and ran Tubbs that night with my mom. On Thursday I woke up and weighed myself again and I weighed 208. Which was better than 211, but definitely not the 205 I weighed before. Going up and down in weight like that let me get inside my head. I started to think that it wasn't worth it; that I was eating healthy and it wasn't working so why not have oreos instead of celery. Its been really hard to choke down the healthy food this week.

 And finally I just gave in. Friday night after work my mom and I stopped by Wendy's and I had a double cheeseburger, large fry, and a large Frosty. I still had that small voice in the back of my head that was making me feel guilty, but I seemed to ignore her enough, because I finished my meal. And tonight, I made macaroni and cheese with taquitos for dinner, and I finished that. Now after I ate all that CRAP, I feel like CRAP. I feel bloated and fat. It makes me want to go get a package of oreos and say, Forget this! I know in the long run it would not make me happy. I would be more upset if I did give up completely, but this sucks!

But as I sit here and write this, I am starting to feel better. Maybe because I am talking about it. Maybe because I can just vent, and not hear any logic that my consolers ( I don't think that's a real word, but it should be) would be saying (I do appreciate my consolers though).

My goals this week went pretty much how they do every week. I ran two days this week (Monday and Wednesday) I didn't workout five days this week but four (Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, & Wednesday) I didn't have vegetables for 14 meals, although I did have vegetables for 11 meals out of 35. So closer than the weeks prior. I did try a new recipe this week. I made cauliflower tortillas (well I tried, they didn't turn out like they were supposed to :(  ). So I got two out of five goals this week. GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!
Let's try this again:
1. Workout 5 days this week.
2. Jog at least 2 work outs
3. Eat vegetables for at least two meals a day.
4. Post at least one positive thing about my workout/food plan a day
5. Meet other 4 goals
Maybe number four will help me to be less cranky, and get out of this funk!

I just have to keep telling myself, everybody has hard times. Its how we handle those hard times that defines us. I WILL NOT GIVE UP! Ever! It may take me longer, but I WILL reach my goals!

We must always remember, You can shine no matter what you're made of!

Back to normal

Each week before I sit down to write in my blog I reread what I wrote last week. Mostly so I can give you an update on how my goals went during the week, and so I don't repeat myself too much. This week I did the same thing and each week I say the same thing: "Well at least you got some of your goals from last week." Some weeks, I feel ok that I didn't complete all my goals, and other weeks I don't. Either way I have written them down so I have something to work towards. This week has not been so hot for my goals, but has still been a pretty good week. I worked out four days this week for at least 30 minutes(Sunday,Monday, Thursday and Saturday. More on Saturday later) I did not try a new food this week. My intention was to make some foods using cauliflower, but I didn't get to it before I started house sitting. And I held myself accountable while house sitting. But I did not hold myself accountable while I was at my cousin's wedding reception (Hey it was a FREE DESERT BAR! you try holding yourself back :) ) However I did jog at least one of my workouts. In fact I jogged two!

On Sunday after church I jogged Tubbs hill with Pam. It was really hard! We didn't jog the whole thing, because it was the first time I had jogged since I was in high school (which was 10 years ago thank you very much!). We did jog ALL the UPHILL  portions, and then we did intervals on the way back. If I could have talked I might not have said some very nice things. You may be asking yourself when was the second time I jogged on a workout? Well let me tell you! I ran a 5K race on Saturday called the Slime Run. I thought jogging Tubbs was hard. Oh man was I wrong! When we first started the race on Saturday, I told myself I would jog a little ways, then walk then jog a little more. But when I got to the first place I was going to stop and walk, my healthy self (that is trapped inside the not so healthy self) said "Buck up buttercup! You came here to do the race and YOU ARE GOING TO DO THIS RACE!" So I told my mom and the other two people who were with us (Cody, Pam's son and Nicole, Pam's other son's girlfriend) that my goal was to jog the whole thing! And I DID! Folks that is 3.1 miles! Did I forget to mention I HATE RUNNING! But it was the best thing for me! 

Now let me emphasize a few things before you get too proud. The run was a fun run. so there were times where we went through obstacles and had to wait in line, so I did get to take a few breaks. And I did complain a lot, and say how much I HATE RUNNING! Just like I am now. Running has always been a challenge for me, and I think it always will be. I get bored, and so then my mind starts to tell me that I can't do it. Recently though, my mind has been fighting with my inner healthy girl. Most days my inner healthy girl wins! Someday soon, my inner healthy girl will be on the outside too!

Speaking of outside healthy girl: I am down to 206 as of Thursday morning. That is a total of 19 pounds! My mom is down a total of 40 pounds! We are kicking butt and taking names! I think from now on every time I weigh myself I am going to play the song "Another one bites the dust" I went to the neurologist on Tuesday to get a check up and they weigh you when you first come in. The last time I was there, in January, before this big adventure I weighed 235. When the weighed me in August I weighed 211. THAT’S 24 POUNDS! I did that in 8 months! With the help of my mom, my family, my friends, and especially my trainer John and his wife Pam, and my chiropractor Dr. Amy. I have been able to see this huge difference and transformation. A transformation that has led to me missing the days that I don't lift. John called me an official gym rat the other day. Before we started lifting I told them that we had to hurry because I had soooo much stuff I had to do when I got home (Like make tutus for our slime run costumes.) So we started lifting, and we did three machines (4 rounds on 2 and 3 on the other.) and I asked which machine we were going to do next and John said that we were done because I had to hurry and be done. So I said well since I am here we might as well do another machine (because we usually do 4 machines). That's when he said you have now officially become a gym rat. And I LOVE IT! 

Another transformation that I thought I would never see me have is the love of fun runs! Now don't get me wrong I still HATE RUNNING! But the fun run together as whole was awesome! I am looking forward to doing more of them! Next on my check list is color me rad, and the dirty dash. Any other fun runs I should look into?

                      

This week's challenge was eating! I did fine with eating on the plan. the struggle came with desire. I didn't want to eat healthy AT ALL! I craved everything this week. Wendy's cheeseburgers and french fries, with a chocolate frosty. I craved chocolate cupcakes, and cake, and cookies. If it had sugar on it I craved it. If it was deep fried I craved it. I stuck to my guns (well until the dessert bar at my cousin's wedding. Thanks Devin and Brenda!). I have been trying to read articles to help with cravings. What do you do to get rid or past your cravings?  I tried to drink water, I tried eating some fresh fruit (I was craving oreos and milk, so I had 3 peaches and it didn't work! I still wanted those oreos) and I also tried keeping my hands busy (I played farm hero saga and hungry birds which didn't work either).

Some articles said to have whatever you are craving but in moderation. I am not sure those people have every had an Aunt Flo type of craving before. You don't just eat something in moderation and then be done. You eat the whole thing and then still want more. This week I have been just trying to live with it (it's been really hard not to injure people). I just keep thinking that as this transformation continues my skills for "living" with cravings will get better, but the people around me may not survive!

Alright it's goal setting time. This week there will five, but the fifth will be dependent on the other four.

1. Workout 5 days this week, for at least 30 minutes.

2. Jog two days this week.

3. In 14 out of the 35 meals I have in the next 7 days (that’s two meals a day) I need to have vegetables. (I eat entirely too much fruit, if that’s even possible)

4. Make a new recipe this week. (maybe vegetable based and I could kill two birds with one stone)

5. Complete all four other goals this week.

If you are reading this and want to change your lifestyle, or are looking to get back on the wagon here are a couple of Facebook pages to go look at and like (sorry I sound like a infomercial but seriously) The first two have helped me stay on track and healthy, the third is one that I just like.

 First check out Spoelstra Family Chiropractic. This is my chiropractor and she is amazing. She not only keeps me and my mom healthy from the inside out, but they also have a great program that helps with Autism, ADHD, and other learning disabilities without drugs. It is really an amazing program. 

https://www.facebook.com/spoelstrachiro

The second page is John Caylor Personal Training. This guy is my trainer! He has really helped to put me on the track to success, and has encouraged me all the way! 48 weeks John!

https://www.facebook.com/JohnCaylorPersonalTraining

 And the third and final facebook page I would check out is called from thick to thin. This girls story is similar to mine (she is doing crossfit though) but she has a clothing line. She also usually posts some inspirational things on her page.

https://www.facebook.com/fromthicktothin

Something to remember this week, we all struggle, we all trip and fall. It does not matter what happened yesterday, and it does not matter what step we are on today, it only matters which direction we are going. Are we moving forward? or are we moving backward away from our goals?

And as always remember You CAN SHINE, no matter what you're made of! 

Food, Motivation, & Inspiration

Well another week has come and gone is this amazing journey! It has been FOUR months! Can you believe it?!? I am back at 210 this week. Another two pounds and I will be back at my lowest in a really long time! My mom is still ahead of me, at 209. But the race is on! It amazes me how much I learn about myself each week. Things that I thought I knew already, but something comes up and my reaction or decision is completely different from what it would have been four months ago.

Let me explain. Four months ago I would have been upset that my mom caught me. Four months ago I would have given up every single day because it was too hard. Four months ago I was eating packs of oreos with milk while watching netflix all weekend. (At least half of that is still true, I will let you guess what half ;) ) But now, I look forward to my workouts, (except for cardio I still haven't gotten that tamed yet); I wake up each morning with a new resolve to be better today than I was yesterday; and (on most days) I have my frat-boy eating habits in check. I really liked this quote picture thingy I found on Pinterest.

With the good also comes the bad. There are things that I have learned over the past four months that I need to work on. Like: I can't afford to be picky when it comes to eating healthy. You will either starve, or get tired of eating the SAME foods every day! (Like chicken!) I do not do well if I am not prepared. Going on vacation I wasn't prepared to eat healthy so I opted for quick. When house sitting, if I am not prepared, I shop for cheap food (or eat whatever they have in the house which is usually canned or out of a box)

One of the most important things I have learned so far: I am dependent on other people to motivate me, and to keep me accountable. I find that if I don't have somebody to work out with, I won't. If I don't have somebody watching what I eat (or take for lunch) I eat CRAP! If no one reminds me to write in my blog, I will watch another episode of Merlin on Netflix. I don't know why I have such a hard time motivating myself to be healthy, or to eat right. I hope now that I recognize it I can change it. But how do you motivate yourself? I am doing this for me right? So why can't I find the time to workout on my own? Why should it matter if some one is watching what food I intake? It should be MY JOB, to watch what food I intake. It should be MY JOB to make sure I get a work out in every day! Don't get me wrong, I appreciate everyone's help and encouragement. (In fact, I think it keeps me going) And I definitely don't want it to stop, but I need to work on doing these things like nobody is watching. In case someday nobody is watching, I will have the strength because I created the habit to do what is healthy for me!

So now that I have stepped on and off my "soapbox" lets get on to some fun things! For those of you who don't know me very well, I am a VERY, VERY, VERY picking eater, just ask the people who know me best. Earlier in this blog I said that I can't afford to be picking any more because I would either starve or I would get tired of eating the same old thing. Well that is a fact! I think I have eaten so much chicken in the last four months I probably could have bought foster farms. We eat it the SAME way ALL the time. Well I got bored! I tried marinades, I tried seasonings, yeah none of that worked. I still have a hard time eating chicken. But something good has come of this. My friend Maryann and I went out for dinner the other night, and I got to pick where we were going! Well I picked the place where you can get all three banned foods for this months diet! I know, I AM A GENIUS! So I decided I was going to brave a salad. I figured I wouldn't eat very much of it (Because I HATE lettuce!) and it would probably be small any way! HA! We went to Red Robin (Yummm!) and I got the whisky river bbq chicken salad. It was the BEST salad I have every had! Black beans (healthy) Lettuce (romaine- so some nutritional value) chicken (healthy) corn tortilla chips ( probably lots of salt, but no white flour) & tomatoes ( I didn't eat very many of those, they still taste a little weird for me), with light amount of bbq sauce, and ranch. Don't believe me, check it out!                    

I challenge every one to eat something new this week. It can be something that you have thought for a long time that you hate, or something you have never tried before. If you don't like it, hey at least you tried it. If you like it, try and incorporate it into you meal plan later on this week. I am going to try cauliflower (I think, maybe, probably)
Last week's goals I was 2 for 4. 50% I guess that's ok. Better than 0% I haven't cheated on the banned foods (I have had some not so healthy meal choices, like ice cream), I am writing my blog and its Saturday 8/16. I did work out 4 days this week, but I didn't jog at any of them. My goals for the next week:
1. Work out at least 5 days at least 30 minutes.
2. Jog at least one of those workouts.
3. Try a new food this week.
4. Hold my self accountable while house sitting this weekend.

I am so grateful for all of your support and encouragement! I hope that as others start on their own incredible journeys to living a healthier life, that I will be able to be as encouraging and supportive! If you are someone who is starting or has started already, I encourage you to write about and let others know they are not alone in this fight! Remember each day, you are enough! You are amazing! And with each new day, comes a new attitude!

And as always remember, You can shine no matter WHAT your made of!

The race to 200!

Since it's been so long since I have written I will give you a recap since I last wrote and then get into more detail on some adventures. We worked out Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday with John and Pam lifting weights. My body was so sore it was ridiculous! I finally jogged Tubbs hill with my mom on Thursday, and afterwards I felt like I had been smoking my entire life. Thursday night my Mom, John (my trainer), his wife Pam, and I went out for our cheat meal. We ate a Golden Corral, and it was delicious! Friday after work my cousin Sidney and I drove 6.5 hours to my friend Tabitha's house in the Seattle area. This is when my weight loss train got derailed. When we left we stopped in Coeur d'Alene at Burger King, and I had a chicken sandwich and some fries. The rest of the weekend I ate terribly. I had pizza, and gummy bears (not together of course). We made homemade Monte Cristos (if you don't know what those are DO NOT LOOK IT UP, just know they are bad for you!) Going to Buffalo Wild Wings was not the best idea either. When we got back on Tuesday night, I was ashamed and kind of hid from John and Pam, because I didn't really want to tell them how bad I had done. I also didn't write a)because I was in Seattle, and b) I have a harder time writing about my struggles, because I don't want people to see me as weak, or as a failure. Thanks to Andrew who never let me forget that I had an obligation to write, and let people know that I am going through the same struggles they are, and thanks to John and Pam who told me to stop beating myself up, it really wasn't that bad my train is back on track, and here I am writing again (even the hard and emotional stuff so get ready!)

Now that I have given you a short recap  let's get emotional (Ha just kidding). First off, I want to say how proud I am of my mom and all that she has accomplished over these past 13 weeks. In my last blog she was working hard on catching up with me, and I was working hard on not letting her. Well she caught me! On Thursday 07/31 we weighed in at 208.8 (me) and 208.2 (her). She told me that she was worried about catching me because she didn't want me to be discouraged. We had a great conversation about yes it would be a little upsetting, but it would make me want to work harder to not let her get too far ahead of me. Then I told her it didn't matter, because I was going to beat her to 200  anyway. My new motto for this month is "How bad do you want it?!?!" I want to be under 200 real bad! Each day while I was on vacation, I kept saying (after I had a bad meal), "I have to get back on track" I kept thinking of this picture I saw on my friend Kim's Facebook:

This is something we must remember because with that mentality it becomes well I had a bad day, so I will start over next week, and then I had a bad week, so I will start over next month, and so on. That is the mentality that got me to the point I was at 14 weeks ago before we started this adventure. I was starting to slip back and beat myself up, thinking well I really messed up. I wasn't focused on the future or even the here and now, I was focused on the past and John gave me some good advice. He said: "You can't change what has happened so get back on the horse today and don't let it get you down. We all stumble. A month from now it will be like this week never happened." I am so grateful for that advice because it reminded me, I am not going through this alone. You are not going through this alone. WE ALL STUMBLE.  We have to get back on the horse, or put the train back on the tracks and keep moving forward. I've got this! You've got this!

Prior to leaving for Seattle, my goals were going according to plan. I had worked out Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. Monday and Tuesday I did 25 leg lifts and 25 sit-ups. I even went on a jog with my mom on Thursday. Can I just take a second to stand on my soap box and complain. I HATE RUNNING. In all forms. I always feel like a smoker when I am done. I hack and cough for the next couple of days. I know it would get better the more I do it, but it is soooooo agonizing the whole time. I tried using music to help pass the time (it didn't work) I tried running with my mom to help push me and have someone to follow. ( that really didn't work) I know that I need cardio, and I know that the more I do it the better it's going to get, and I know that it is worth it. But no one said I had to like it. When I told John, how much I despised running, he looked at me and said "How bad do you want it?" and I looked at him and said, "Apparently I want it bad enough, because I did it. But you didn't say I had to like it." Ok, I am done ranting, and I am stepping down off my soapbox.

Another lesson I learned this week is a two part lesson. Part 1: My will power is not as strong as I thought it was. And part 2: even if you think your will power is strong, you should still prepare your food. I figured when I got to Seattle I would go buy the food I needed, and I would cook it at Tabitha's house. Haha! Yeah right! When I got to Tabitha's house, all I wanted was to eat the good stuff, I had been missing out on over the last month. Like pizza, gummy bears, and deep fried sugar. If I would have taken the food we had at my house with me, I would have been more likely to follow my eating plan. I got a little ahead of myself, and got a little arrogant. Which is why I need to go back to simple fundamentals for awhile.

My goals this week will be similar to ones I have had before. Just to make sure my train is secure on the track.

1. I will exercise five days this week at least 30 minutes at a time.

2. I will Jog at least one of those workouts.

3. I will write a blog entry no later than Saturday 08/16

4. I will NOT cheat on my diet this week.

It is now the race to 200. My mom and I were about the same (before my vacation and I gained 3.2 pounds) but our next goal is to be under 200 pounds! This will be our next big push! How bad do we want it!?!?

No excuses! Acceptance, faith, strength, and determination. These are the qualities we will possess this week! I don't think I tell you enough, how grateful I am for you! You inspire me to keep going, and you also keep me honest! You encourage me when I am down, you congratulate me when I conquer a goal. You are amazing, and you deserve to conquer your goals as well. Keep going, keep moving forward. WE ALL STUMBLE, and always remember: You can shine no matter what you're made of!