And the numbers are in....

First off, as promised, my measurements as of April 29,2014

Chest: 46in
Waist: 47.5 in
Hip: 49.5 in
Arm: 19 1/8 in
Thigh: 27 in
Calf: 18
Weight: 226.6 (221.6 on 05/15/2014)

     In the society we live in, we are conditioned to focus on weight as a number. I originally didn't want to weigh myself because I always get frustrated when I don't lose enough weight compared to how hard I am working out, and how much I change my eating habits. My goal was to be healthy. But then I realized I needed at least some type of goal I could monitor so I weighed myself. I started out at 225. Throughout the next week I was able to move a buttonhole on my belt. I was so excited! It wasn't much, but it was something I could physically see.  Then the next week, I weighed myself again, and of course I GAINED 1 pound! I was so upset! I felt like I had been working sooooo hard on losing weight and becoming healthier and what did I have to show for it? 1 more pound I was going to have to shed at some point. How frustrating! Did I mention how awesome my support team is?!?! Take my mom: As we are walking out the door on our way to work, after I told her my frustrating news, she says: "Eat good today, and don't let this bother you (easier said than done). We will talk to John and get it figured out" My mom's faith in what we are doing, helped build me back up. And then there's my Aunt Tori, she sent me a text in the middle of day (I am assuming after my mom told her) she said :"Hang in there. Your clothes fitting differently is progress. You are doing the right things." and then she tagged me in a post on Facebook that said : "Don't stop trying just because you've hit a wall. Progress is progress no matter how small." Two more blocks to help build me back up. And then John gave me a pep talk while I was doing 100 sit-ups. He said : " Don't give up. You only fail if you give up." And they are all right. It took me a couple of days to let their words of encouragement sink in, but once they did I felt a lot better.

     Excuse me for a moment while I step on my soapbox. Throughout this last two weeks, from the time I took my measurements to today (05/15/2014) people kept telling me that I looked like I had lost weight. Now don't get me wrong, I greatly appreciate the complements. However, knowing that I had gained a pound, I felt like the complements were insincere. NOT because they were, but because the numbers didn't support it. While talking with my chiropractor Dr. Amy, we came up with a solution. In our society were are so focused on pounds, but when working out we may be exchanging fat for muscle (which weighs more I might add). I challenge each of us to do two things. 1) If you are the one who is working out, and eating healthier focus on inches and how your clothes fit. If you weigh yourself, understand that is just a number. It doesn't present the whole picture. 2) If you notice someone looks better and you think they may have lost weight, don't tell them that it looks like they have lost weight. Instead tell them they look slimmer, they look fantastic, or they look healthier. This keeps their mind off of pounds, but always tell them you notice. Ok, thank you for listening to my soapbox, I am now stepping down. :)
      When John took my measurements, we also sat down and discussed my new diet. Are you ready (you should probably sit down if your not)? I must eat 5 TIMES A DAY, each meal is 300 Calories, with 30 g of protein, 26 g of carbs, and 7 grams of fat (good fat) and no sugars (fruit) after 3 pm! This is WAY harder than you might think. My biggest hurdle right now is carbs. (ha go figure) I have cut out bread almost completely, with the exception of 1 slice of bread in the morning. But the next biggest carb is FRUIT! 1 Fuji apple, has 34 g of carbs. This creates a problem, because as those of you who know me well, know I LOVE FRUIT! I would eat an apple with peanut butter for every meal, if I could, but the 34 g of carbs tells me I can't! So I have cut an apple in half, and just eat it for two meals. It's getting easier to make the right choices. Some days I fall off the wagon, but I only stay off for one meal then I am right back to it.
      My advice this week: Find a workout buddy. Someone who will help keep you honest, and who you can help to keep honest too. It's difficult to go at this alone. You have to have the will power of a navy seal, and lets face it, if we had that kind of will power, we wouldn't be in this predicament. When finding a workout buddy, it helps if you find someone along the same out of shape-ness as you. It helps you to not be as frustrated when you workout. My mom and I working out, and changing our eating habits together, has been a huge blessing for me. It allows me to vent to someone who understands, as well as someone to keep me motivated when all I really want is a Papa Murphy's Pizza. And when both of your will powers fail (which ours did on Tuesday night) then you have someone to help build your blocks back up.

This is really working, my clothes fit better, and my choices are changing! I know that if you keep with it and don't give up, you will NEVER fail! So just remember: YOU CAN SHINE NO MATTER WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF! and

Lessons Learned

So something I told myself I was going to do with this blog was to be upbeat and encouraging and happy. I told myself, if I can't say anything nice (or funny) I wasn't going to say anything at all. Lesson number 1 I learned this week: struggles and frustrations are part of real life. Deal with it, write about it, inspires others with it. My mom and my trainer John gave me some good advice. They said: " You have to write about your struggles, yours plateaus, your setbacks. Because if people hear all the fluff, and the happy times, and the achievements, but never hear the real life struggles, then when they hit their plateau, or their struggle then they quit." So don't say I didn't warn you. This post may be a little less than exciting, and a little less than uplifting, but here goes nothing!

     The last post, I talked about a goal of eating healthier, and I started off great and I am still doing well. every once in a while I eat something I shouldn't. Like the Butterfinger I ate the other day, or the skittles I had at the movie theatre. But if I take a look at what I had been eating, and the great strides I have made to get to where I am at, it shouldn't be as depressing and frustrating as it is. At this point in my past work out/ get healthy attempts I am on the 2-steps-back portion of my workout. And right now I feel myself slipping back one step. I want to eat everything in sight (especially fried foods and sugar). I know that if I push through I will feel better and get past this, but I look at the package of Oreos sitting in my grandma's cupboard and think, "That package of Oreos would taste sooooooo GOOOOOODDD with a big glass of ice cold milk" I have literally had my hand on the package, when I heard John say, "Better every time you walk out that door" or "You can have those, but you need to do burpees or sit-ups for the next day and half to work those off" (and people I HATE, and I mean HATE sit-ups and burpees). So this week I will continue to work on improving my frat-boy eating style until I can conquer the cravings of sugar and deep fried foods.

     Lesson Learned number two: Sit-ups suck!!!!! John made us do 150 sit-ups. I am sure you have heard the saying "abs of steel" I felt like I had "abs of rubber". It put a new meaning on spare tire though. My frustration and anger have been fueling my work-outs with my mom and our trainer John. Now don’t get me wrong, John is amazing! He is very positive, and knows how to push us past our perceived limits. Which is exactly why I wanted to tell him to shove it where the sun don't shine the other day!!! Here is our work out. 25 push-ups (I do girl push-ups), 50 squats, 75 SIT-UPS, and 100 mountain climbers (50 on each leg) and we had to do as many rounds as we could in 20 minutes. Yeah, I did two rounds. I was so frustrated doing my first 75 sit-ups I was crying. It was at that point I wanted to give up. But I am glad I didn't.

     Lesson Learned number three:  Doing mountain climbers with your shoe off, is a bad idea. No matter how badass you think you are, or you think you want to be. On my second round of mountain climbers, I had to do them in sets of 25. So on my last set of 25 out of 100 my shoe fell off and I didn't want to quit so I kept going. WORST IDEA EVER!!!! On the very last one my foot without the shoe slipped and my foot began to sting. So I thought, "oh great I got a blister and now I am going to have to pop it." HA! Come to find out, when I slipped that busted my blister right open!!!! I couldn't walk. I couldn't put pressure on it. But boy did I feel bad ass. (And now for the comedic relief) While I sat on the floor, and let my Mom and Pam (John's fiancé) doctor my foot I asked my mom if we had Hydrochloric acid at home so I could put some on my foot to disinfect it. Yeah, I knew the word I wanted started with an 'H' and with all the crime dramas I watch, it's no wonder the thing that came to mind was hydrochloric acid. I now know, thanks to the laughing hyenas (Mom, Pam, and John) I know the word I was looking for was hydrogen Peroxide. The stuff in the brown bottle! (yeah, yeah, yeah, laugh it up!) Needless to say, my foot is still attached to my leg, it was not eaten by acid.

                I want to throw a shout out to all those who have commented on my blog, on Facebook, and to those who are cheering me on! I really appreciate all the words of encouragement, especially those I don't know. I ran into an old friend from high school the other day. After the encounter, I felt bad about myself. He didn't say anything that should have made me feel bad, and he didn't give me a look and I didn't read anything on his face that would have made me feel bad. And it took me a while to realize why I felt so bad. I could hear all the names and the whispers that I was calling myself. You would never hear those words come out of ANY of my friends (about me or anybody else) but I was saying that stuff about ME.

Lesson Learned number four: Be nice to yourself. It's hard to be happy when someone's mean to you all the time.

Here's to another week come a gone. Tomorrow will be better, better every time you walk out that door. Next blog, I will post measurements, weight and body fat. YIKES! This means its real, and I will have a base line. Remember: Be nice to yourself; You can shine no matter what you're made of!!!!!

It's not a diet...It's a healthier lifestyle

Ok, let's be honest… I'm lazy! I like to watch TV, play video games, check Facebook, post things from Pinterest, and sleep. As I stated last week, I want to change! Last week, I wrote my goal and promise to myself. I started this blog, in the hopes that it would help remind me of what I want and to keep me from being discouraged. One thing that I have recently come to accept about myself, is that I am someone who wants instant gratification, which I think is one of many reasons I am so lazy. This need for instant gratification leads to frustration, quitting, disappointment, and in some cases depression. So with this new accepted knowledge about myself, I began. Each time I have started down this path before, I usually get a good running start and then it becomes an uphill climb with a 1-step-forward-2-steps-back mentality. Usually with a lot of aching bones and joints. But this time is different, I have compiled an arsenal of quotes, advice, workout plans, meal plans, & support to help push, pull, carry and move my butt up that hill.

                One part of my support team is my amazing chiropractor Dr. Amy. When I was first diagnosed, she was really helpful in educating me on the hows and whys of what my body was telling me. It was helpful to see that there was something else going on in my body that wouldn't have been corrected just by medication. She has also been there to help keep me motivated to continue to work out. By the 3rd week of my previous attempts at being healthy, I would feel terrible. My bones and joints and muscles would all ache , and it made it easier to quit. By going in for my adjustments on a regular bases, my body feels a lot better. My knees don't ache, I don't have tension headaches, and I feel like I can move a lot better than before.

                The piece of advice I am choosing to work on this week is a comment left by my friend Jenn last week. This is what she said: "Only change one thing out and one thing at a time-like getting rid of Mtn. Dew and adding water one week (Done back in October) and the next week (or 6 months) trade out one of your snacks or meals for something healthier." So this week I traded out my frat boy eating style for something healthier. Buuuuutttt…. I didn't start the week out too well. On Wednesday, I ate pizza for every meal. But then I read another quote (yes on pinterest- don't judge me ;) )

"Ok. So you had a bad day. Don't beat yourself up over it, but don't let one bad decision send you spiraling out of control. Grab those running shoes and get back into it. Get back to making decisions that improve your health and your happiness. You are who you choose to be."

                With that quote fresh in my mind, Thursday after my work out session with my trainer John, I went grocery shopping. I bought broccoli, apples, strawberries, chicken breast, string cheese, whole wheat past, and brown rice among other healthy options. Throughout the rest of the week, I did well. Saturday I had a vanilla milkshake, but I was ok with that. My piece of advice for myself in the future and those who need it now. If you make a mistake, learn from it and move on. Stop beating yourself up, believe in yourself, and remember you can shine no matter what you are made of!

The Beginning

Sorry this is so long, my updates won't usually be this long, but I figured I would start from the beginning

     This all started in September when I decided to get my eyes checked. I hadn't had an eye exam in at least two years. I finally had insurance again, so I decided I needed new glasses and contacts. During my exam, the doctor asked me if I had anyone ever tell me that I had swelling on my optic nerve. I think he could tell by the look of confusion on my face that no one ever had. When he told me he wanted me to get a second opinion, I knew it must have been important. So after my appointment with a specialist, who confirmed the swelling on both eyes, I was scheduled for an MRI. I was a little concerned that I had swelling on my optics nerves, but I had no idea how bad it could have been. I asked the specialist what this could possibly be caused by. The answer was not a shock, but it was frustrating none the less. He said that women my age, who are overweight will sometimes have extra fluid on the brain, which will then cause swelling on the optic nerve. Of course all I heard was, "Hey you have fat kid syndrome, lose some weight, take some meds and you should be fine." He also said that it might be more serious than that, hence the MRI. My MRI came back clear (side note: happy dance! No tumors growing in my head) Now they wanted to set me up an appointment for a lumbar puncture. Aka SPINAL TAP! Not going to lie here, this freaked me out a lot! I was like "Whoa!!! Pump the brakes!!! But after the appointment, I decided it wasn't too bad. Now don't get me wrong, it hurt; I was sore for two days and I had a headache for a couple of days, but it wasn't as bad as my bad dreams had led me to believe it was going to be. I had to wait a week for the results. It was the longest week of life! I was worried that they weren't going to find out what was wrong with me, but as the days got closer to the results coming in I had an epiphany. It doesn't matter what the results say, something in my life has to change. I was drinking two bottles of Mtn. Dew a day, I ate food that college frat boys would be proud of, and I was sitting on my rear end all day everyday! I decided if I wanted my diagnosis to change, I was going to have to make the changes myself. If I didn't change something seriously wrong could happen to me. So I decided to make a change. Its been slow and difficult, and sometimes it feels impossible. But each time I make a step forward it feels amazing. My first step down this path was to stop drinking Mtn. Dew (I was helped by the medication I am now on for the diagnosis of Idiopathic Inter-cranial Hypertension.) My second step has been to stop eating crap! Sometimes I still eat like a frat boy, but its getting better. My third step has been to start to exercise more. I now have a trainer, who kicks my butt twice a week. But the reason for my blog is not only to keep track of what I am doing, but to keep me going forward on this road to being healthy! Back in October I wrote this pledge to challenge myself and I am now putting it out there for everyone to see.

       I WILL be able to play sports and not die because I cannot breathe, I will be able to shop in the women's section instead of the plus sizes. I know I will not be small because my body is not built like that, so I will NOT starve myself and I will NOT believe I am anything less than beautiful, no matter my size! My goal is to be healthy.

     I ask only that you encourage me, not shame me. Help me if I need a cheat, but don't enable me. And most of all, please oh please, don't be offended by anything I say while on this journey as I make these extreme changes in my life. You can hide my status updates, you can un-friend me, you can completely ignore me but I WILL do this! Thank you in advance for all your support, love, and encouragement. Please feel free to share inspirational quotes, stories, or recipes that will help me with my goals!

This is me in May 2012

And never forget, "You can shine no matter what you're made of!"