The long road to redemption

The hardest part of a relapse is coming out of it. I do well for a couple hours and then something will go wrong. Either I get hangry, (that’s a mixture of hungry and angry) so I walk to the break room and buy some crack donuts and a Mtn. Dew. Or I am off work, and headed home and hangry, so we stop at Wendy's and get french fries and a frosty. The working out bit, isn't going much better. I would love to blame this all on the fact that I am busy with going to watch my cousins volleyball games (which is partly true) but the whole point of this lifestyle change is to learn to cope with being busy. I know there are people out there who are WAY busier than I will ever be, and they are healthy. It's all about finding the right routine. The right habits that work for me. Because the habits that I am in right now are crap! This is a new week, there is nothing I can do about last week, so we start over! (Did you like my pep talk?)

I am interested to see how this month goes. I started house sitting on Wednesday October 1st. I didn't really bring food to the first house I am house sitting at. Some good food was left for me, but I had said that I would bring my own food. (Guess what? I didn't! How lame is that) I ate the bananas, and some of the carrots. I remember a few blog posts ago, I had decided that I needed to be prepared whenever I left my house for an extended period of time. Because if I don't have the necessary food provisions, I tend to go AWOL on my plan. I get lazy, and just go for speed and availability. (Hence the crack donuts)  PS I don't want ANYONE to think I am blaming the owners of the house I am house sitting for. I did not expect anyone to provide my food for me. I KNOW that I need to be responsible (I just wasn't)

Today I switch houses, and today I really am on my own! My goal this month is to reach that 200 pound mark, I have been working for since (I feel like) forever. I know it’s a tall order, but I WILL do it. (Maybe if I write it down it will be easier to remember) It's time I stop using every excuse in the book, and get down to it. I had been losing weight before, so I know I can do it again. My mom and I were talking about my cousin's volleyball team, and how they get in their own heads when they make a mistake out on the court, and I just realized that is what I do when I eat something bad. I beat myself up about it, and then I get depressed and then I eat MORE crack donuts. What's that song that’s out now, that ALL the kids are singing? …… "Let it go"

Alright folks! Let's get down to business!

This week, I will take it day by day. These are my goals for the week:

1. To lose three pounds.

2. NO CRACK DONUTS

3. Exercise at least five days this week. (even if I just go on a walk)

4. Start a food journal again

I am going short and sweet this week. It's time to get the train back on track. I know life can be frustrating, I know we can lose our way with the things we want to accomplish. But as long as we have a support system, one that is always there for us, we can do anything! You will be surprised at the people willing to lend their support when you tell them you are making a healthy life style change! So go out there and change the world! (or your world, whichever you feel like today) And remember, You can shine NO MATTER what you're made of! 

I'm BAAAAAAACCCCCKKKKK!

Alright readers, friends and family alike. I know its been a good long while since I have posted anything, and I want to apologize. I am sorry if I have let you down. I am sorry if you lost your way, because I wasn't following mine. I want to explain a little of what has been going on in my life over the last three weeks. Side note: When you are reading this, I want you to remember that my tone is not intended to be whiny, these are the facts as I see them. When I last wrote, I was starting to feel burned out. We had been working out almost every night, but not until 7pm, and then not leaving the gym until 8 or sometimes 8:30 depending on the conversation that would carry on while we were lifting (I am not saying this is a bad thing) After the 45 min drive home, I would go to be by 11 each night then get back up and do the whole thing over again. I am usually a social person, I like to go to activities and participate in my church things, but I felt like ALL I was doing was working out, and driving to and from work. I was starting to resent my workouts, I felt like I was being forced to go work out. There was NO balance between work, gym, church, and social life. The gym portion felt like it took up ALL of my time. So I gave up. There I said it. I wanted all of it so bad, that something had to give. The good news is that by going through that I was able to realize that I can have it all, I just have to balance everything equally. I have picked a night that I will go to a church activity, I can be with all my friends and feel like I am active in my church. If I can squeeze in a workout before great, if not no sweat off my back (ha, literally and figuratively)

 I am now making time for at least one other activity a week, whether it be a church activity or cookie Kart (minus the cookies, well maybe ;) )with my friends. And I have to tell myself, I don't have to feel guilty for not working out, as long as I am doing something else with my time (during those times only) If you are changing your unhealthy lifestyle (the frat boy eating, sit on your mommas couch playing video games, mountain dew drinking, complain about your fat kid syndrome lifestyle) to a healthy one, you have to make choices that can go long term. Working out everyday like that with no interaction other than your trainer and your workout partner WILL NOT last long term, even if you are not a social butterfly. Something will give and I can guarantee it will be first your workout, and then your food.
Speaking of food, I have not done well with that either. I did for the first week, and then like I said, your food will go too. Those mini donuts, you know the ones, with the white powdered sugar that taste like food crack, and you can eat a whole package in under a minute, because you are afraid someone who knows you are trying to be healthier will see you and chastise you for eating that crap. Yeah those ones, they have become my weakness. I have had to start leaving my wallet in my car when I go to work because I can buy them in the break room. Every time I finish package, I think to myself, "Really Felica, did you really need those donuts? No, No you didn't you had a perfectly good apple with some perfectly good peanut butter." So what do I do? You guessed it! I eat the apple and peanut butter, and the protein, and everything else in my lunch box, because.... I DON'T KNOW WHY?!?! So now my stomach has grown to fit all this food in it, and when I try to get back to eating my 300 calories a meal, I am still hungry so I go back to eating EVERYTHING in my lunch box. My mom and I were discussing this, and have decided that we are going back to basics. We have been choosing one thing each month to add to our do not eat list. It was getting ridiculous, I felt like I couldn't eat anything! So we are back to basics: no french fries; no deep fried, no cookies.

will someone print this out for me? without the half naked woman on the left would be great!

My weight has been yo yo-ing back and forth between 209 and 211. My goal this week is to get below 209. If I am going to yo yo between two numbers it should be like 207 and 209. We are back to working out, and eating healthy again. If you are struggling or did struggle and gave up, get back on the horse! Get the train back on the track! Something to remember, Progress is progress no matter how small!

Thank you for being my support system and not giving up on me! Andrew I really appreciate that you haven't given up on me either! Thank you SOOOOO much for blowing up my phone each week, and for giving me that gentle pat on the check!
Remember you can shine no matter what your made of!

Fizzling out?

I want to start out by saying (or reminding myself) I don't want to be one of those blogs that constantly whines about how hard and frustrating my life is. I want to stay up beat and positive. I want to inspire others when they are going through their own struggles. With that being said, I also want to be honest about what I go through, because I know others go through the same things. Maybe at different times, maybe in different ways, but at least others will know they are not alone. I am also made aware that I am not alone, by the comments I get either through Facebook, or by people just telling me when I see them. So I apologize if I sound whinny today (or any other time for that matter).

This week I have felt like I am fizzling out. I was doing so great with staying on track, working out, and keeping my head up. It has been a long time since I have wanted to just give up. This week was one of those weeks. When I was house sitting last week, I weighed myself on Sunday morning (after the 5K run) to see how much weight I had lost. On Sunday morning I was down to 205. Now granted I was using someone else's scale, but most of the circumstances were the same (same time of morning, same outfit). I was so stoked! That night I went and ran Tubbs with Pam, and posted my blog. I continued to work hard, but as the week worn on my body got tired. I had burst of energy but it wasn't lasting all day like it was before. So on Wednesday morning (a day early) I weighed myself at home. My scale said 211! I was PISSED!!!!! I hadn't been eating anything different, I was still working out. In fact I worked out Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday! My mom told me it was water weight, but I didn't believe that because my rings and clothes fit fine. I was bloated or anything. It threw me off. So that day, I ate normal and ran Tubbs that night with my mom. On Thursday I woke up and weighed myself again and I weighed 208. Which was better than 211, but definitely not the 205 I weighed before. Going up and down in weight like that let me get inside my head. I started to think that it wasn't worth it; that I was eating healthy and it wasn't working so why not have oreos instead of celery. Its been really hard to choke down the healthy food this week.

 And finally I just gave in. Friday night after work my mom and I stopped by Wendy's and I had a double cheeseburger, large fry, and a large Frosty. I still had that small voice in the back of my head that was making me feel guilty, but I seemed to ignore her enough, because I finished my meal. And tonight, I made macaroni and cheese with taquitos for dinner, and I finished that. Now after I ate all that CRAP, I feel like CRAP. I feel bloated and fat. It makes me want to go get a package of oreos and say, Forget this! I know in the long run it would not make me happy. I would be more upset if I did give up completely, but this sucks!

But as I sit here and write this, I am starting to feel better. Maybe because I am talking about it. Maybe because I can just vent, and not hear any logic that my consolers ( I don't think that's a real word, but it should be) would be saying (I do appreciate my consolers though).

My goals this week went pretty much how they do every week. I ran two days this week (Monday and Wednesday) I didn't workout five days this week but four (Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, & Wednesday) I didn't have vegetables for 14 meals, although I did have vegetables for 11 meals out of 35. So closer than the weeks prior. I did try a new recipe this week. I made cauliflower tortillas (well I tried, they didn't turn out like they were supposed to :(  ). So I got two out of five goals this week. GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!
Let's try this again:
1. Workout 5 days this week.
2. Jog at least 2 work outs
3. Eat vegetables for at least two meals a day.
4. Post at least one positive thing about my workout/food plan a day
5. Meet other 4 goals
Maybe number four will help me to be less cranky, and get out of this funk!

I just have to keep telling myself, everybody has hard times. Its how we handle those hard times that defines us. I WILL NOT GIVE UP! Ever! It may take me longer, but I WILL reach my goals!

We must always remember, You can shine no matter what you're made of!

Back to normal

Each week before I sit down to write in my blog I reread what I wrote last week. Mostly so I can give you an update on how my goals went during the week, and so I don't repeat myself too much. This week I did the same thing and each week I say the same thing: "Well at least you got some of your goals from last week." Some weeks, I feel ok that I didn't complete all my goals, and other weeks I don't. Either way I have written them down so I have something to work towards. This week has not been so hot for my goals, but has still been a pretty good week. I worked out four days this week for at least 30 minutes(Sunday,Monday, Thursday and Saturday. More on Saturday later) I did not try a new food this week. My intention was to make some foods using cauliflower, but I didn't get to it before I started house sitting. And I held myself accountable while house sitting. But I did not hold myself accountable while I was at my cousin's wedding reception (Hey it was a FREE DESERT BAR! you try holding yourself back :) ) However I did jog at least one of my workouts. In fact I jogged two!

On Sunday after church I jogged Tubbs hill with Pam. It was really hard! We didn't jog the whole thing, because it was the first time I had jogged since I was in high school (which was 10 years ago thank you very much!). We did jog ALL the UPHILL  portions, and then we did intervals on the way back. If I could have talked I might not have said some very nice things. You may be asking yourself when was the second time I jogged on a workout? Well let me tell you! I ran a 5K race on Saturday called the Slime Run. I thought jogging Tubbs was hard. Oh man was I wrong! When we first started the race on Saturday, I told myself I would jog a little ways, then walk then jog a little more. But when I got to the first place I was going to stop and walk, my healthy self (that is trapped inside the not so healthy self) said "Buck up buttercup! You came here to do the race and YOU ARE GOING TO DO THIS RACE!" So I told my mom and the other two people who were with us (Cody, Pam's son and Nicole, Pam's other son's girlfriend) that my goal was to jog the whole thing! And I DID! Folks that is 3.1 miles! Did I forget to mention I HATE RUNNING! But it was the best thing for me! 

Now let me emphasize a few things before you get too proud. The run was a fun run. so there were times where we went through obstacles and had to wait in line, so I did get to take a few breaks. And I did complain a lot, and say how much I HATE RUNNING! Just like I am now. Running has always been a challenge for me, and I think it always will be. I get bored, and so then my mind starts to tell me that I can't do it. Recently though, my mind has been fighting with my inner healthy girl. Most days my inner healthy girl wins! Someday soon, my inner healthy girl will be on the outside too!

Speaking of outside healthy girl: I am down to 206 as of Thursday morning. That is a total of 19 pounds! My mom is down a total of 40 pounds! We are kicking butt and taking names! I think from now on every time I weigh myself I am going to play the song "Another one bites the dust" I went to the neurologist on Tuesday to get a check up and they weigh you when you first come in. The last time I was there, in January, before this big adventure I weighed 235. When the weighed me in August I weighed 211. THAT’S 24 POUNDS! I did that in 8 months! With the help of my mom, my family, my friends, and especially my trainer John and his wife Pam, and my chiropractor Dr. Amy. I have been able to see this huge difference and transformation. A transformation that has led to me missing the days that I don't lift. John called me an official gym rat the other day. Before we started lifting I told them that we had to hurry because I had soooo much stuff I had to do when I got home (Like make tutus for our slime run costumes.) So we started lifting, and we did three machines (4 rounds on 2 and 3 on the other.) and I asked which machine we were going to do next and John said that we were done because I had to hurry and be done. So I said well since I am here we might as well do another machine (because we usually do 4 machines). That's when he said you have now officially become a gym rat. And I LOVE IT! 

Another transformation that I thought I would never see me have is the love of fun runs! Now don't get me wrong I still HATE RUNNING! But the fun run together as whole was awesome! I am looking forward to doing more of them! Next on my check list is color me rad, and the dirty dash. Any other fun runs I should look into?

                      

This week's challenge was eating! I did fine with eating on the plan. the struggle came with desire. I didn't want to eat healthy AT ALL! I craved everything this week. Wendy's cheeseburgers and french fries, with a chocolate frosty. I craved chocolate cupcakes, and cake, and cookies. If it had sugar on it I craved it. If it was deep fried I craved it. I stuck to my guns (well until the dessert bar at my cousin's wedding. Thanks Devin and Brenda!). I have been trying to read articles to help with cravings. What do you do to get rid or past your cravings?  I tried to drink water, I tried eating some fresh fruit (I was craving oreos and milk, so I had 3 peaches and it didn't work! I still wanted those oreos) and I also tried keeping my hands busy (I played farm hero saga and hungry birds which didn't work either).

Some articles said to have whatever you are craving but in moderation. I am not sure those people have every had an Aunt Flo type of craving before. You don't just eat something in moderation and then be done. You eat the whole thing and then still want more. This week I have been just trying to live with it (it's been really hard not to injure people). I just keep thinking that as this transformation continues my skills for "living" with cravings will get better, but the people around me may not survive!

Alright it's goal setting time. This week there will five, but the fifth will be dependent on the other four.

1. Workout 5 days this week, for at least 30 minutes.

2. Jog two days this week.

3. In 14 out of the 35 meals I have in the next 7 days (that’s two meals a day) I need to have vegetables. (I eat entirely too much fruit, if that’s even possible)

4. Make a new recipe this week. (maybe vegetable based and I could kill two birds with one stone)

5. Complete all four other goals this week.

If you are reading this and want to change your lifestyle, or are looking to get back on the wagon here are a couple of Facebook pages to go look at and like (sorry I sound like a infomercial but seriously) The first two have helped me stay on track and healthy, the third is one that I just like.

 First check out Spoelstra Family Chiropractic. This is my chiropractor and she is amazing. She not only keeps me and my mom healthy from the inside out, but they also have a great program that helps with Autism, ADHD, and other learning disabilities without drugs. It is really an amazing program. 

https://www.facebook.com/spoelstrachiro

The second page is John Caylor Personal Training. This guy is my trainer! He has really helped to put me on the track to success, and has encouraged me all the way! 48 weeks John!

https://www.facebook.com/JohnCaylorPersonalTraining

 And the third and final facebook page I would check out is called from thick to thin. This girls story is similar to mine (she is doing crossfit though) but she has a clothing line. She also usually posts some inspirational things on her page.

https://www.facebook.com/fromthicktothin

Something to remember this week, we all struggle, we all trip and fall. It does not matter what happened yesterday, and it does not matter what step we are on today, it only matters which direction we are going. Are we moving forward? or are we moving backward away from our goals?

And as always remember You CAN SHINE, no matter what you're made of! 

Food, Motivation, & Inspiration

Well another week has come and gone is this amazing journey! It has been FOUR months! Can you believe it?!? I am back at 210 this week. Another two pounds and I will be back at my lowest in a really long time! My mom is still ahead of me, at 209. But the race is on! It amazes me how much I learn about myself each week. Things that I thought I knew already, but something comes up and my reaction or decision is completely different from what it would have been four months ago.

Let me explain. Four months ago I would have been upset that my mom caught me. Four months ago I would have given up every single day because it was too hard. Four months ago I was eating packs of oreos with milk while watching netflix all weekend. (At least half of that is still true, I will let you guess what half ;) ) But now, I look forward to my workouts, (except for cardio I still haven't gotten that tamed yet); I wake up each morning with a new resolve to be better today than I was yesterday; and (on most days) I have my frat-boy eating habits in check. I really liked this quote picture thingy I found on Pinterest.

With the good also comes the bad. There are things that I have learned over the past four months that I need to work on. Like: I can't afford to be picky when it comes to eating healthy. You will either starve, or get tired of eating the SAME foods every day! (Like chicken!) I do not do well if I am not prepared. Going on vacation I wasn't prepared to eat healthy so I opted for quick. When house sitting, if I am not prepared, I shop for cheap food (or eat whatever they have in the house which is usually canned or out of a box)

One of the most important things I have learned so far: I am dependent on other people to motivate me, and to keep me accountable. I find that if I don't have somebody to work out with, I won't. If I don't have somebody watching what I eat (or take for lunch) I eat CRAP! If no one reminds me to write in my blog, I will watch another episode of Merlin on Netflix. I don't know why I have such a hard time motivating myself to be healthy, or to eat right. I hope now that I recognize it I can change it. But how do you motivate yourself? I am doing this for me right? So why can't I find the time to workout on my own? Why should it matter if some one is watching what food I intake? It should be MY JOB, to watch what food I intake. It should be MY JOB to make sure I get a work out in every day! Don't get me wrong, I appreciate everyone's help and encouragement. (In fact, I think it keeps me going) And I definitely don't want it to stop, but I need to work on doing these things like nobody is watching. In case someday nobody is watching, I will have the strength because I created the habit to do what is healthy for me!

So now that I have stepped on and off my "soapbox" lets get on to some fun things! For those of you who don't know me very well, I am a VERY, VERY, VERY picking eater, just ask the people who know me best. Earlier in this blog I said that I can't afford to be picking any more because I would either starve or I would get tired of eating the same old thing. Well that is a fact! I think I have eaten so much chicken in the last four months I probably could have bought foster farms. We eat it the SAME way ALL the time. Well I got bored! I tried marinades, I tried seasonings, yeah none of that worked. I still have a hard time eating chicken. But something good has come of this. My friend Maryann and I went out for dinner the other night, and I got to pick where we were going! Well I picked the place where you can get all three banned foods for this months diet! I know, I AM A GENIUS! So I decided I was going to brave a salad. I figured I wouldn't eat very much of it (Because I HATE lettuce!) and it would probably be small any way! HA! We went to Red Robin (Yummm!) and I got the whisky river bbq chicken salad. It was the BEST salad I have every had! Black beans (healthy) Lettuce (romaine- so some nutritional value) chicken (healthy) corn tortilla chips ( probably lots of salt, but no white flour) & tomatoes ( I didn't eat very many of those, they still taste a little weird for me), with light amount of bbq sauce, and ranch. Don't believe me, check it out!                    

I challenge every one to eat something new this week. It can be something that you have thought for a long time that you hate, or something you have never tried before. If you don't like it, hey at least you tried it. If you like it, try and incorporate it into you meal plan later on this week. I am going to try cauliflower (I think, maybe, probably)
Last week's goals I was 2 for 4. 50% I guess that's ok. Better than 0% I haven't cheated on the banned foods (I have had some not so healthy meal choices, like ice cream), I am writing my blog and its Saturday 8/16. I did work out 4 days this week, but I didn't jog at any of them. My goals for the next week:
1. Work out at least 5 days at least 30 minutes.
2. Jog at least one of those workouts.
3. Try a new food this week.
4. Hold my self accountable while house sitting this weekend.

I am so grateful for all of your support and encouragement! I hope that as others start on their own incredible journeys to living a healthier life, that I will be able to be as encouraging and supportive! If you are someone who is starting or has started already, I encourage you to write about and let others know they are not alone in this fight! Remember each day, you are enough! You are amazing! And with each new day, comes a new attitude!

And as always remember, You can shine no matter WHAT your made of!

The race to 200!

Since it's been so long since I have written I will give you a recap since I last wrote and then get into more detail on some adventures. We worked out Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday with John and Pam lifting weights. My body was so sore it was ridiculous! I finally jogged Tubbs hill with my mom on Thursday, and afterwards I felt like I had been smoking my entire life. Thursday night my Mom, John (my trainer), his wife Pam, and I went out for our cheat meal. We ate a Golden Corral, and it was delicious! Friday after work my cousin Sidney and I drove 6.5 hours to my friend Tabitha's house in the Seattle area. This is when my weight loss train got derailed. When we left we stopped in Coeur d'Alene at Burger King, and I had a chicken sandwich and some fries. The rest of the weekend I ate terribly. I had pizza, and gummy bears (not together of course). We made homemade Monte Cristos (if you don't know what those are DO NOT LOOK IT UP, just know they are bad for you!) Going to Buffalo Wild Wings was not the best idea either. When we got back on Tuesday night, I was ashamed and kind of hid from John and Pam, because I didn't really want to tell them how bad I had done. I also didn't write a)because I was in Seattle, and b) I have a harder time writing about my struggles, because I don't want people to see me as weak, or as a failure. Thanks to Andrew who never let me forget that I had an obligation to write, and let people know that I am going through the same struggles they are, and thanks to John and Pam who told me to stop beating myself up, it really wasn't that bad my train is back on track, and here I am writing again (even the hard and emotional stuff so get ready!)

Now that I have given you a short recap  let's get emotional (Ha just kidding). First off, I want to say how proud I am of my mom and all that she has accomplished over these past 13 weeks. In my last blog she was working hard on catching up with me, and I was working hard on not letting her. Well she caught me! On Thursday 07/31 we weighed in at 208.8 (me) and 208.2 (her). She told me that she was worried about catching me because she didn't want me to be discouraged. We had a great conversation about yes it would be a little upsetting, but it would make me want to work harder to not let her get too far ahead of me. Then I told her it didn't matter, because I was going to beat her to 200  anyway. My new motto for this month is "How bad do you want it?!?!" I want to be under 200 real bad! Each day while I was on vacation, I kept saying (after I had a bad meal), "I have to get back on track" I kept thinking of this picture I saw on my friend Kim's Facebook:

This is something we must remember because with that mentality it becomes well I had a bad day, so I will start over next week, and then I had a bad week, so I will start over next month, and so on. That is the mentality that got me to the point I was at 14 weeks ago before we started this adventure. I was starting to slip back and beat myself up, thinking well I really messed up. I wasn't focused on the future or even the here and now, I was focused on the past and John gave me some good advice. He said: "You can't change what has happened so get back on the horse today and don't let it get you down. We all stumble. A month from now it will be like this week never happened." I am so grateful for that advice because it reminded me, I am not going through this alone. You are not going through this alone. WE ALL STUMBLE.  We have to get back on the horse, or put the train back on the tracks and keep moving forward. I've got this! You've got this!

Prior to leaving for Seattle, my goals were going according to plan. I had worked out Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. Monday and Tuesday I did 25 leg lifts and 25 sit-ups. I even went on a jog with my mom on Thursday. Can I just take a second to stand on my soap box and complain. I HATE RUNNING. In all forms. I always feel like a smoker when I am done. I hack and cough for the next couple of days. I know it would get better the more I do it, but it is soooooo agonizing the whole time. I tried using music to help pass the time (it didn't work) I tried running with my mom to help push me and have someone to follow. ( that really didn't work) I know that I need cardio, and I know that the more I do it the better it's going to get, and I know that it is worth it. But no one said I had to like it. When I told John, how much I despised running, he looked at me and said "How bad do you want it?" and I looked at him and said, "Apparently I want it bad enough, because I did it. But you didn't say I had to like it." Ok, I am done ranting, and I am stepping down off my soapbox.

Another lesson I learned this week is a two part lesson. Part 1: My will power is not as strong as I thought it was. And part 2: even if you think your will power is strong, you should still prepare your food. I figured when I got to Seattle I would go buy the food I needed, and I would cook it at Tabitha's house. Haha! Yeah right! When I got to Tabitha's house, all I wanted was to eat the good stuff, I had been missing out on over the last month. Like pizza, gummy bears, and deep fried sugar. If I would have taken the food we had at my house with me, I would have been more likely to follow my eating plan. I got a little ahead of myself, and got a little arrogant. Which is why I need to go back to simple fundamentals for awhile.

My goals this week will be similar to ones I have had before. Just to make sure my train is secure on the track.

1. I will exercise five days this week at least 30 minutes at a time.

2. I will Jog at least one of those workouts.

3. I will write a blog entry no later than Saturday 08/16

4. I will NOT cheat on my diet this week.

It is now the race to 200. My mom and I were about the same (before my vacation and I gained 3.2 pounds) but our next goal is to be under 200 pounds! This will be our next big push! How bad do we want it!?!?

No excuses! Acceptance, faith, strength, and determination. These are the qualities we will possess this week! I don't think I tell you enough, how grateful I am for you! You inspire me to keep going, and you also keep me honest! You encourage me when I am down, you congratulate me when I conquer a goal. You are amazing, and you deserve to conquer your goals as well. Keep going, keep moving forward. WE ALL STUMBLE, and always remember: You can shine no matter what you're made of! 

51 pounds and 37 inches ago....

Sorry this is a little late. It's been an interesting week, (and to be honest I was finding it a little hard to write). My short term goals did not fair too well this week. I did not work out everyday except for Sunday (I did work out Tuesday through Friday), I did not run/jog any of my workouts, and I did not do 250 sit-ups, crunches or leg lifts. I am also still at 209.4. If we were just looking at my short term goals, I would have failed this week. Even though I didn't complete a single one of my goals this week. I am still proud of the work I did.

My mom and I started working out with John (our personal trainer) and his wife Pam.

This is Pam

 Prior to this week, we had been working out while John encouraged us to keep going. We would use a list of exercises John would put on a whiteboard. I think I have put up some pictures with us laying in front of them. Now we are lifting weights with John and Pam. Let me just say one thing about our work out partners. HOLY WOW! These two can really pump some iron! We lifted on Thursday (chest) and Friday (back) and I am STILL sore! But it's weird, its my upper arms, my shoulders, and my arm pits! Can I just ask: How can one's ARM PITS get sore?!?!

Anyway the best part about this week. My saving grace! We did our measurements again. Its been 12 weeks since we first took measurements. Some of you have probably seen some pictures on Facebook, but here are the ones we really want you to see.



Together, in 12 weeks, we have lost 51 pounds, and 37 inches! My mom has lost 7 inches in just her waist! We have lost a small child between the two of us. John sent me this picture and told me I had lost half of my face! All this work, all this dedication, all this pain, and frustration has proven to be worth it! When we first started this my attitude was so negative. I didn't want to work out, I didn't want to eat better, I wanted the magic fix, but I didn't want to put in the effort. Now I am so glad I have put in this much effort, to get to where I am today. Recently I have come across some old shirts that I couldn't wear because they were too tight, I looked like the Micheline Man. I can now wear them with my head held high, and not have to worry about my tires protruding from my shirt.
Here are my actual numbers:
Chest: 44.25
Waist: 44..75
Hip:46.5
Arm: 12.75
Thigh: 25
Calf: 17.5
Weight 209.4

My goals this week will stay the same, because I didn't reach them.
1. I will jog AT LEAST one workout this week.
2. I will do 250 sits ups/ leg lifts by Thursdays
3. I will work out every day for 30 mins or more this week (except for Sunday)
One thing I must confess, Each day I get up with my head held high, because I have worked so hard to get where I am at. But some days I walk out the door, and I become my old self. I worry about how people see me. I still find myself hiding from people I know in grocery stores. Because I don't want them to see me this way. Some day, I will be able to bump into someone I knew from high school, or someone I knew from before I started this lifestyle change and I am going to shock them! I want to have the confidence to say hi to friends I had in high school, without worrying about what they might think as I walk away. Even though I have lost weight and inches, I still fight to be proud of my figure! Every day that I get up and pack my workout clothes, and my lunch I get one day closer. One day I will walk out my door and my head will not drop at all. 

We have 4 more days of eating clean! This has been one of the best things that I could have ever done! It has also been one of the hardest things I have ever done. On Saturday, my mom, Grandma, Great Grandma and I went to my cousin's fiance's bridal shower. And they had cake! I didn't think it would be that bad, because I had my mom there to help support me. It was THE HARDEST thing I have ever had to do. Everyone (except my mom) around me was eating cake! But this commitment to a healthier lifestyle was just the hand hold I needed to make it through. It has helped me to realize I do have strength over food, and that I do like other things besides Chili-mac and oreos. Thank you all again for your support and comfort, and encouragement. It's been nice to know you all have our backs! 
In order to change we must do things that make us uncomfortable. 
And as always, Remember you can shine no matter what you're made of! 

Another three pounds bites the dust!

Wow, has it really been a week since I wrote last. It feels like it was just yesterday. Time flies when you're losing weight! Ha! Just a little recap catch up from last week. I am now a certified diver (just have some book work to complete)! I am house sitting again, and I have lost another three pounds! Yeah buddy! The official weigh in is 209.4!

My goals from last week went splendid! I took a step back and told myself: It doesn't matter how fast it comes off, all that matters is that the weight is coming off! As I was working on getting my dive certification, I had to wear weights in my vest in order to help me stay under water. I had to wear a weight belt that weighed 14 pounds. I also had to walk up a small hill in order to get from the water to the truck with that weight belt on! I thought I was going to die. It felt soooooo heavy. But when I got to thinking about it, I was carrying that weight around with me EVERYDAY! It really put it into perspective.
I made a new recipe this week! I was so excited, and it was sooooo goooood! I made cilantro lime shrimp! oh man oh man!

I made it with noodles but no sauce. The shrimp itself was delicious, but the noodles needed a little something else. I didn't want to use a red sauce because I thought it would take away from the shrimp. I also didn't want to use a white sauce because well, its really fattening. But I was looking on pinterest and found a recipe to make Alfredo sauce out of cauliflower. So my lucky parents and my cousin Sid, are going to get to try Alfredo this week, using cauliflower!

Now onto the diet part of the blog. First off, I am going to put a disclaimer, or warning in here. So everyone listen up. If you are a boy, man, or someone who is uncomfortable talking about girl problems, you should stop reading now.
Don't say I didn't warn you!
I think the hardest part of any diet is when Aunt Flow and her baggage show up on your doorstep each month! My cravings are through the roof! I don't think I have ever, and I mean EVER craved chocolate and sweets and salts, and grease, and soda, (did I mention chocolate and ice cream), so much in my entire life! I am suppose to be on a month of clean eating and I went 17 days without one piece of chocolate, or one thing I wasn't suppose to be eating. And today it ALL fell apart. (Ok so not all of it but it felt more dramatic) I ate a handful of dark chocolate m&ms. I know, the horror! LOL. I say this because I feel it important that I remember, I am allowed to have a hand full of m&ms every 17 days, if my body says I need it. Knowing our limits, and recognizing the difference between a need, and an addiction is something that a life style change requires. When I first started this whole 30 days of clean eating, it wasn't so that I could be perfect and go the whole 30 days with out indulging ever again. I did it so I could prove to myself that I could go more than 2 or 3 days without indulging. Another lesson learned: It's called a cheat MEAL, not a cheat day, or week, or month, or life. Its one MEAL, one entree! Just because you have a cheat meal doesn't mean you get to go down the rabbit hole again.
This next week, I want to focus on exercise. My goals will focus around that.
1. I will jog AT LEAST one workout this week.
2. I will do 250 sits ups/ leg lifts by Thursdays
3. I will work out every day for 30 mins or more this week (except for Sunday)

I love how I am starting to feel! My clothes are continuing to loosen up, I catch my breath a lot faster, and I walk with more confidence and my head up so I can meet peoples gazes. This week will test my commitment, my strength, and will power. The cravings will only get worse as will the lack of desire to do anything except curl up in a ball, lay on the couch, and watch Netflix with a tub of ice cream and peanut butter and oreos. But I will concur this! I CAN AND I WILL! you just watch me!

As always, remember, you can shine no matter what you're made of!

Like a champ!

Holy cheese and rice! This week has FLOWN by! Over the last week I have celebrating many victories! My goal last week was to lose 5 pounds by Thursday at weigh in, even though I didn't lose 5 pounds, I celebrated the small victory of losing 3 pounds. I am now down to 212! My mom didn't catch me this week (phew!), but she has been working out a lot harder than I have been, so she may beat me this upcoming week. Another small victory was on Friday July 4th, while I was at work, they were handing out cookies. BIG cookies! You know the ones: Store bought, big chocolate chunks, have to break it into fifteen pieces for it to fit into a big gulp size cup of milk. Yeah! Those ones! Anyway, I turned them down! Like a champ! It was a great feeling knowing that I had the will power to say NO!
This week has also been a test of my dedication to weight loss. Over the past couple of years, I have really wanted to learn how to SCUBA dive, and finally for Christmas this past year, my parents surprised me with SCUBA lessons! Two ago, I had my first and second pool session for training. Holy cheese and rice! I was horrible, I freaked out about having water in mask, and not being able to breath through my nose. (PS you are supposed to breath through your nose under water, that's what you have a regulator in your mouth for. Just in case your were wondering) So I needed a lot of practice, but the only time to practice was after work, and that's when we work out. I decided that since I was too busy after work, I would get up at 5 am and work out before work on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. Well for those of you who don't know me very well, I HATE MORNINGS! I actually have a t-shirt that says I am allergic to mornings. But I was dedicated to making this work. I told my dad every night before, that I needed to make sure that I was up no later than 5:15 am so I could work out (he gets up and goes to work that early) When Monday rolled around, my alarm went off at 5 and I shot straight up out of bed, and got to working out. ( I used an old workout we had done with John 20 mins of 25 squats, 25 push-ups, 25 burbpees, and 25 sits up.) The biggest problem I had working out in the morning (and this goes for every morning I worked out) I don't have enough energy. Monday I didn't eat before working out and it SUCKED (Tuesday we had Zumba in the Park with Sarah) Wednesday I ate a banana and a mojo protein bar about 10 mins before I worked out, and Thursday I ate a banana, and both of those days I still didn't have enough energy. I worked out but it was TOUGH! Wednesday I set my alarm for 4:45 (so I could eat and hang out a little longer before I worked out) but I kept hitting my snooze, and rolled out of bed at 5:15. And Thursday was the same. I felt like those were steps in the right direction, but I need to step up my game! My mom is about to catch (if she hasn't already) I have decided I am going to try (I said TRY) jogging, and I get really bored when I jog/run, so here is my question to you this week. What is your favorite running/workout song. I need something that will keep me going, and keep my mind off the fact that I am running. So ready GO!
Like I said before this week has flown by, but not without its challenges. I have gotten past the everyday cravings of crap, but when I get really hungry I want to throw in the towel and eat some chili-mac, or a huge pine creek tavern burger (think of your hometown burger joint, add 1000 more calories and another gallon of grease and you have pine creek tavern.), but they are soooooooo bad for you. I have worked hard to lose the pounds I have lost (13), but I have also spent the almost 10 years putting it on. This is my quote for today

My grandma Willy says this to me all the time! My goals this week are:
1. Take things one day at a time! I can feel myself starting to get frustrating with not losing weight fast enough, with the amount of effort I feel like I am putting in.
2. Continue to eat clean, and turn down those temptations!
3. Make a new recipe this week!

If I can do this, you can do this! (this includes my future/current self) I have to have the confidence, will power, and strength to move forward day by day! I got this!

Thank you to everyone who is supporting mine and my mom's journey! Everyone has been so encouraging, and helpful! I hope (and I think my mom feels the same way) that our journey can help someone else start theirs!

Remember to have strength, will power, and confidence as you go throughout your week! And as always, remember you can shine no matter what you're made of!

Death by mountain climbers, reborn by tuck jumps

GOOOODDDD MMMMMMOOOOOORRRRRRNNNNNNIIIIINNNNNGGGGG! (or afternoon or evening as the case may be) Today was weigh-in day, and I am down another pound! For those of you that are keeping track, I am down to 215 lbs with a loss of 10 pounds. WAHOO! And I feel great! I have made a lot of decisions in the last couple of days in regards to this journey. Let's just start off at the top. 

Last week I set two goals, 1) write a new post prior to Saturday (check) and 2) find two new recipes to try out this week (1/2 check). I found a lot of recipes (check my Pinterest pages Healthy Eats and New Diet Recipes), but haven't had time to make any of them. I did get feed back from my friend Breana about grilled peppers, and marinaded chicken. I did buy some marinades that I cooked my chicken in tonight (which was delish! It was a garlic and herb 30 minute marinade). I also found some great salsa recipes. I made one tonight that was a peach-lime salsa. It took a lot of taste testing but I think it turned out okay. I have some other recipes I will try (hopefully) this week. With that being said, I came to my first decision. In light of the 30 day eating challenge that I am doing, I have decided I need to stop being so picky. I think by eating a variety of foods, it will help with the boredom I have with my current diet. So this means, I get to try different foods, like grilled peppers, or onions in salsa (I never really ate salsa unless it was purified or just the juice) I also am going to make a stir fry this week, and I think I will put zucchini in it. Has anyone every tried this? Let me know!

Also over the last week, I started SCUBA lessons! And I need a lot of work! First, last Thursday and Friday, I spent over 7 hours in the pool, learning how to breathe under water. Did you know that you are NOT supposed to breathe through your nose underwater? Well I thought I knew that too, but apparently there was a malfunction between my brain and my nose, because I continually inhaled water through my nose. (Needless to say, I need lots of work!) But back to the point, I am really out of shape! More so than I thought. One of the first things we had to do when we first got in the pool on Thursday was to swim the length of the pool in one breath! Well, I did it, but I thought I was going to die! Then after holding our breath for what seemed like forever, we had to swim back anyway we wanted to. Well, lets just say I was the last one back and the last one to stop hyper-ventilating from breathing so hard. (I think I was the only one that was hyperventilating but I couldn't hear anyone else over me.)  So this week I need to focus on exercise! Which is going to be a little harder, because I have pool time set up with my dad every day this week. Then what is my goal you ask.... I am going to get up at 5:15 every morning and work out of 30 minutes. What is the problem you ask... Did you not see I said 5:15 AM! I like to sleep, and 5:15 comes around once a day on my watch, and that is PM. But there is a saying that goes matter over mind (Yes I know I said it backwards, just keep reading) if it MATTERS enough to you, you wont MIND doing it! And this is important to me! I WILL DO THIS!!!! Watch me! 

Really focusing on this, making a conscious effort this week, I believe I will meet my one goal for next week.... My goal is to lose 5lbs by Thursday.I have lost pounds by exercising two days a week, and eating kind of healthy. Imagine what I can do as I really buckle down and focus! 

A quick story before I sign off. When we first started working out, we (my mom and I) told our trainer John, we cannot do jumping exercises (box jumps, tuck jumps, jump squats) because we both have bad knees, and I would not have been a good idea to jump up with that much weight on them. So anytime we saw them on the board we would always say "We can't do those" and he would give us another exercise to do. A couple weeks ago, I made a deal with John. I said, "When I am under 200 pounds I will do tuck jumps." He agreed. When I went to work out today, the board said 20 minutes -12 BOX JUMPS, 12 swings (kettle bells), 12 squat presses, 12 TUCK JUMPS, and 12 sit-up. My first thought was ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! I can't do tuck jumps and box jumps. I am going to die! As I was talking to John and his wife Pam before my workout, and I told them my goals for this week, I realized I have to start somewhere. Before I started, I was joking with them, and asked John about our deal, and he said "close enough. I know you will be under 200 soon, so close enough, get to work!" So I got to work. I did 4 rounds in 20 minutes! I did five tuck jumps IN A ROW with stopping, and I also did all four sets of sit-ups without stopping to rest (I did 12 sit-ups in a row without stopping, for all four sets!) It felt good to work out! Those little victories helped! They are helping buoy me up, and allow me to celebrate when I need a push. 

I DIED! But I finished the workout!

This week: Celebrate the little victories; buckle down and focus; and always remember- You can shine no matter what you're made of!

 

Fine tuning a life style change!

     Hello again! I know it's been a long while since we have last had a little chat, (like 6 whole weeks BLAH!). The last six weeks has been quite the roller coaster ride. I have had some incredible ups, and some very depressing downs. I don't know if it's just the type of person I am, or if my body is just trying to catch up with all I am (and have) put it through. This might be a longer than normal post because I have a lot to catch up on (sorry). So let's go back, shall we. Buckle up it’s going to be a bumpy ride (she says in a Jamaican accent (name that movie))

     

     The last time I checked in, I weighed 221.6, and I had moved a button hole on my belt! I am still at that button hole and had lost another 3 POUNDS!!!!!! But then the downhill spiral started, and I figured out I have NO WILL POWER!!!! When I go grocery shopping for my parents, I buy meat and vegetables. Mostly healthy foods. But when I go to the store for myself, when nobody is going to be home, I buy oreos, chili, mac and cheese ( chili-mac is the best comfort food just saying), and milk. So when I house sat for a friend I ate chili-mac at least two meals a day, and I think I had oreos for breakfast two of the four days I stayed. Not to mention I stayed in bed watching Netflix those two days as well. I had no desire to go out and do anything. The weather was beautiful, and I stayed in bed and felt sorry for myself. Looking back on that weekend, I don't know why I was so depressed. The next week was no better for my attitude, but my eating was better (at least for a couple of days) because I was at home. I started to come back up from the awful attitude I had, and then I started house sitting again. And what did I do the first night I stayed there?!?!?!? I went to the store and bought oreos, milk, and butterfingers. Please tell me HOW that was a good idea?!?!?! What in Heaven's name was I thinking! I knew that if I bought crappy food, I would fell crappy. Yet I continued to buy crap the whole time I stayed there.  So for those of you who are counting I had 3 packages of oreos! (yes 3, I know) And when I realized how far backwards I had fallen, it made me feel even worse. But I looked at myself in the mirror, and I could see the changes that have been taking place. So I squared my shoulders, lifted my head, and told myself enough was enough!

     For the next 3 days ( I was back at home by now) I did really well. I ate five meals a day, all at about 300 calories ,and  I drank my vitamin water zero (lemonade flavored is the best kind). I was feeling pretty good! Then I started to slide back in my eating. I think I had a butterfinger one day, and then the next day I had a cookie or two or five. But I kept telling myself tomorrow is a new day, you can start again tomorrow. So then I would do great all day long, and then when I got home for dinner I would gorge myself, because I thought I was starving! When really, I could have had a small portion and been full enough. Now that I have told you all the BAD things I have done, let's on a the silver lining of these experiences.

     I am down to 220, as of June 19th ( I had gained 2 pounds since the previous time I had weighed) but I know why I gained the weight. I know how to fix my problem. Over the last week, I have been really trying to do my best (although I have been in a baking mood, so my church friends benefit. But I still have no will power when it comes to cookie dough). I had a conversation with my mom about why my will power sucks! I think it is the monotony of eating the same stuff every day, for every meal. ALL. THE. TIME. I am so bored with chicken, and turkey. So I want to hear from you! What is your favoritest healthy meal. I need ingredients, time cooked (if need be). I will start to share a meal each week, of something different I made throughout the week. And starting July 2nd (because my mom and I made a deal with our friend Pam, that if we didn't eat French Fries over the last two months, we could get French Fries and Frosties on July 1st) for 30 days, we are doing a clean eating frenzy. This means no DEEP FRIED SUGAR (like French Fries and Frosties) I challenge each of you to pick at least one day during the week and do the clean eating frenzy with us that same day each week for the 30 days!

     

     I want to give my mom a shout out this week. When we first starting this, her goal was to catch me, and my goal was not to let her. Well last week she was two pounds from me. I am so very proud of my mom! She has been an inspiration to me! She has started to run again too! A couple of weeks ago, she started walking Tubbs hill in Coeur d'Alene. Then that got too easy for her, so she started running it! For those of you who have not been to Tubbs hill, it's basically a hiking trail that goes up and down and around this hill that is next to the lake.  Today (June 25) she ran it in her personal best time, of 30 mins! She is looking great, and I am pretty sure she caught me this week! WAY TO GO MAMA!

     On a medical note, I recently went to the Ophthalmologist to see (haha no pun intended) what was going on with my optic nerve. And he said it is staying the same. Now the reason I bring this up is because about six or seven weeks ago I stopped taking the medication that had prescribed to help reduce the hypertension. When I first went to the Doctor he said that weight loss would also help this problem. So I followed his instructions, but I also continued to see my great Chiropractor! Every six weeks we take scans of my spinal cord, and the nerves that are wrapped around it, to see how my body is healing and doing. The scans six weeks ago showed I had lots of issues. Basically my body was fighting, but it was still out of whack. But the scans I took last week showed MAJOR improvements. I had only two slightly troubled spots, and the most improved spot was in my atlas (which is at the base of my neck) Six weeks ago the scan color was black (black is the worst), and last week the color was white (white is the best). I am so grateful for Dr. Amy and her staff! They have been wonderful, and have been keeping me healthy!

     

     I have two goals for this week. 1) publish another blog post no later than July 5th (Andrew I expect a PM if I have not posted by Saturday night), and 2) find at least 2 new recipes to try out this week.

When I first started this I said I refused to starve myself, and that is still the case. But I want to amend that statement. It should say, I refuse to starve myself or bore myself with my life style changes. I love to eat, and I WILL find a way to make this work to my advantage! Thank you all for joining me on my roller coaster ride! I really hope it inspires somebody!

Here are some updated photos of me! 

June 20, 2013

May 22, 2014

I lost a whole tire ring! 

And don't forget, You can shine no matter what you're made of!